Originally used to soothe race horse’s legs, Elizabeth Arden’s Eight-Hour Balm is heavy-duty moisturisation at its best. Though the texture of the original may be a little too much for us men, the lip-balm version is perfect. Easily absorbed, not too glossy, super-nourishing and fragrance free, don’t even bother nicking hers. Get your own – you’ll want to use it that much.

Though this may seem a little sweet upon first application, give it time. Tangy top notes of Sicilian green tangerines, grapefruit and lemon intermingle with a manly, woody base of cedar, moss and sweet musk. In fact, so deep and masculine does this fragrance become with wear, it’s a surprise she had it on her bathroom shelf in the first place. Reclaim what’s rightfully yours.

The monochrome packaging is manly and the contents “industrial strength”: Benefit’s heavy-duty concealer should probably have been marketed to men in the first place. Don’t be scared of this product. Used in moderation it will help conceal dark circles, blemishes and redness. Mix with a little of your daily moisturiser and dab onto the effected area until any remnants of concealer have disappeared into your skin. You’ll glow, but not in a girly way. Also, cover your tracks from your girlfriend by ensuring that you don’t just jab your finger into the pot. Smooth a layer off and she’ll never know you’ve been using it.

If like me your hair is coarse and thick, you’ll no doubt be wondering why that once weekly application of Head and Shoulders isn’t making your locks look less Brian May and more David Ginola. Shampoo and conditioner simply aren’t enough. Tackle frizziness and make your hair that much more manageable by smoothing a drizzle of Morrocanoil’s oil treatment into hair after washing. Designed to detangle, smooth and de-frizz hair – it’s also pretty inexpensive, so you can afford to buy your own.

Being a man, you‘re probably quite hairy. Meaning that alongside your beard trimmer and nail clippers, you should definitely have a pair of tweezers in your grooming arsenal…

…If you don’t have a pair of your own, just use hers, but make sure you tackle overgrown areas regularly (at least once a week) as things can get out of hand very quickly (no, your unibrow does not make you look rugged). Far better than shaving, as shaven hairs grow back thicker and faster, and less painful than waxing, a weekly tweeze will work wonders – and she’ll definitely turn a blind eye to this spot of thievery. It’s in her interest as much as yours.

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